Team Sarcasm T's
Funny t-shirts with the right sarcastic attitude.
starting at only $9.90
Like what you read? Contribute to the sarcastic cause!
Top Ten: New Car Features From Government Auto
With the government becoming more and more involved in private business, I thought it would be fun to create a list detailing the best features sure to come about once the government completely takes over the auto industry.
10. Big Brother Guardian Service: Keep in touch and stay safe. With full time GPS tracking of your new Government Auto vehicle, you won't ever be without Uncle Sam knowing exactly where you are at all times.
9. Automated Mileage Reporting System: Sends monthly reports of your road mileage and fuel usage to your local, state, and federal governments --- and your mother. (all the better to tax you with, my dear)
8. Homeland Security Elite: Stay protected with onboard audio and video surveillance of all your activities all the time --- just in case you are a terrorist only you don't know it.
7. Automated Criminal Activity Response Unit: Whenever criminal activity is spotted in or around your vehicle, whether by thieves, vandals, wild teenagers, or you, your new Government Auto vehicle will automatically lock itself down and drive to the nearest police station.
6. Patrolman Pete Interactive: Interactive service designed to help you keep all the traffic laws all the time. Patrolman Pete speaks to you in a pleasant and friendly tone giving you verbal warnings and reminders concerning your speed, lane position, and parking activities. Plus, when necessary, Patrolman Pete can automatically print traffic citations right from your dashboard the second you commit a violation.
5. Automated Civil Duty Reminder Service: Whether it's time to vote in the latest election or you're up for jury duty, you new Government Auto vehicle will remind you of your upcoming civil duties and make sure you arrive on time by not letting you drive anywhere else whatsoever until you have completed your civil service.
4. Big Buddy Audio System --- Be rid of explicit lyrics when your children are in the car. Do away with high intensity music that may cause you to speed or take chances with your driving. And never be accosted with another free thinking radio talk show again! Big Buddy Audio will censor out any and all unproductive commentary and intense musical sequences determined by someone else to be bad for you while driving. That way you'll be able to drive more carefully, focusing on the task at hand, rather than getting all worked up by politics, religion, or Metallica.
3. Automated Financial Obligation System: With a barrage of daily reminders leading up to your due date, you'll likely never be late making a payment on your new Government Auto vehicle. However, if you do miss a payment, the second your payment is late, your vehicle won't start. Miss a second payment and your vehicle will simply drive away without you, leaving a collection notice in its place.
2. Anti-Road Rage Deterrent System: No more getting ticked off at other drivers. Swearing, flipping the bird, or any sort of aggressive driving activity will alert the ARRD System to take over. Your vehicle will then be pulled over to the side of the road, locked, and shut down. You will be given a verbal warning to settle down, a mild shock to the lower back if you don't listen, and a full TAZER jolt to the back of the neck if you attempt to engage further in any rage induced activities.
And the #1 New Car Feature From Government Auto...
1. In Dash Tax Collection Utility: No more waiting for April 15th! No more worrying about deadlines on property taxes! No more putting off paying taxes of any kind. Your new Government Auto will see that you are kept current on all your government obligations on a daily basis --- or else!!!
Team Sarcasm "XXS" and "QuarterBack"
T's from $9.90 - $14.95
Copyright © 2009 JoeHumor.com, Joe Bingham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. All content on this site is 100% original and written by me, Joe Bingham, for the express purpose of entertainment and fun. At no time is anything intended to offend, insult, or otherwise enrage anyone. If you find yourself upset or otherwise ticked off, relax, I'm just freakin' kidding, OK? Don't take things so seriously. "Life IS a joke, why not laugh at it?" Please just enjoy yourself and let me attempt to enrich your life with a little more fun and a lot more laughs. Thanks for reading --- Joe