thought we would talk today about a very important subject, often
overlooked in polite society, yet crucial to the well being and good
health of us all.
FFE, or Free Fart Environment, is simply defined as any environment
where you can fully release gaseous build up from your digestive system
at any time without fear of reprisal or any negative consequences
In other words, it's a place where you can blow bean
without getting caught.
obviously, the best FFE is a place with no one else around to hear or
smell your activities. However, you can still exist in an FFE even
with others around so long as you meet the following requirements.
cover smell or ventilation.
face it. If you rip one out that sounds like a snarling grizzly
bear in the middle of prayer time at church, you're going to be
heard. Not to mention that even Aunt Freda's overabundance of
perfume isn't going to cover the stench of your late night jalapeno popper's residuals
--- even if an expounding preacher just happens to belt out fire and
damnation loud enough to give you some momentary cover noise.
therefore is NOT an FFE.
the real point here is not to overly criticize areas you visit on
occasion, such as church, but to emphasize the importance of maintaining
an adequate amount of FFE's in your daily life.
take, for instance, your place of employment. Do you work in an
FFE? Or are you constantly stifling your natural gastric releases
in an effort to save face?
you ever considered the negative health impacts of NOT working in an FFE?
has proven -- or at least should have proven by now -- that the
"holding in" of natural flatulence can cause
serious trauma to the gastro intestinal tract.
"holding in" will often lead to what's known as an
"inverse fart", where gastric pressure that should have been
released via "ripping one" turns inward and bubbles back up
through the GI tract causing the build up of enormous pressure. This
can cause extensive intestinal damage, especially if you are still
eating or drinking at the time.
me put it this way, it's like shoving a potato up your car's exhaust
pipe and then trying to drag race.
it is my recommendation that each of us seek to maintain an adequate
amount of FFE's in our daily life. Even if your normal work
environment is not an FFE, look for small, out of the way areas you can
move to in times of need.
you need some kind of cover noise that can disguise the tune of your
gaseous release, and a convenient scapegoat on which to blame the smell.
instance, as a bus driver, I simply give the engine an extra bit of rev,
and then drop a casual comment or two about the stench from "that leaky heater
it's that simple. Examine your work place. Look for ways and
means to make sure you have plenty of FFE's where you can blow loose
whenever needed and thereby maintain the best in intestinal
it for yourself. Do it for your future. Do it for your
don't do it anywhere near me.
so you know, the original idea of the FFE came from something a buddy of mine said way back in high
school shop class.
said, "You know why I like shop so much? It's loud and stinky
so no matter what you can always fart whenever you need to."
that's why I took shop, too.
that kind of logic, it's no wonder this buddy of mine went on to become
gun toting government agent.
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On The Importance Of The FFE (Free Fart Environment)" to a