A recent grizzly bear
attack on a lone man in the Montana wilderness was thwarted in a
most unusual manner according to local sources.
"It all started just
after I made camp and cooked up some beans and onions for
dinner," the man explained when asked about his recent encounter with the
"I had just eaten a
mess of them beans when a loud growling caught my attention.
Then, all at once, horrific pain overtook me. I started to
flail about, panicking as I attempted to free myself from the source
of the pain. I twisted this way and that, trying to
break free, trying to ease the ripping tension I felt in my abdomen, but it
just wouldn't let go of me. Desperately, I threw myself to the
ground, rolling over, face down, in an effort to protect myself as
much as possible from what I knew was coming.
"The pain only
swelled, however, and I felt as if I was being ripped apart.
Instinctively, I knew it was no use fighting this demon.
Instead, I simply rolled back over, looked up at the brilliant sky
above me, and accepted my agonizing fate.
"Letting go of hope, I
eased myself into a straightened position, gave in to the gaseous
"Yep, I blew bean with all the force of a fire hose,
the blare of a train whistle, and the stench of a jalapeno eating Pepe
"It was only then that I noticed a huge bear standing
over the top of
me. Well, I tell you what, he'd had a notion of making a meal
out of me, that much was obvious, but when the first whiffs of my bean
blast hit his slobbering snout, that big old bear took to running like
he'd been bare butt spanked by the paddle packin' principal, that he
When asked about any
injuries he may have suffered from the attack, the man had this to
"Nah, that bear never
touched me. He had just gotten there when I rolled over to let her
blow. Yes sir, that bean blast saved my life, I'm sure of
it. It kept me from being ripped apart by that big old bear.
"Wish I could say the same for my
from the bean scented and completely devoid of wildlife wilderness, this is Bo Gus, with The "Bo Gus"
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