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Home > The "Bo Gus" News

The "Bo Gus" News

"If ever there was a story that made you want to stand up and sing the 'beans, beans, the magical fruit' song, this has got to be it." --- Bo Gus

Timely Toot Saves Man From Grizzly Death

A recent grizzly bear attack on a lone man in the Montana wilderness was thwarted in a most unusual manner according to local sources.  

"It all started just after I made camp and cooked up some beans and onions for dinner," the man explained when asked about his recent encounter with the grizzly.

"I had just eaten a mess of them beans when a loud growling caught my attention.  Then, all at once, horrific pain overtook me.  I started to flail about, panicking as I attempted to free myself from the source of the pain.   I twisted this way and that, trying to break free, trying to ease the ripping tension I felt in my abdomen, but it just wouldn't let go of me.  Desperately, I threw myself to the ground, rolling over, face down, in an effort to protect myself as much as possible from what I knew was coming.

"The pain only swelled, however, and I felt as if I was being ripped apart.  Instinctively, I knew it was no use fighting this demon.  Instead, I simply rolled back over, looked up at the brilliant sky above me, and accepted my agonizing fate.

"Letting go of hope, I eased myself into a straightened position, gave in to the gaseous devil.  

"Yep, I blew bean with all the force of a fire hose, the blare of a train whistle, and the stench of a jalapeno eating Pepe Le Pew.  

"It was only then that I noticed a huge bear standing over the top of me.  Well, I tell you what, he'd had a notion of making a meal out of me, that much was obvious, but when the first whiffs of my bean blast hit his slobbering snout, that big old bear took to running like he'd been bare butt spanked by the paddle packin' principal, that he did."

When asked about any injuries he may have suffered from the attack, the man had this to say.

"Nah, that bear never touched me.  He had just gotten there when I rolled over to let her blow.  Yes sir, that bean blast saved my life, I'm sure of it.  It kept me from being ripped apart by that big old bear.

"Wish I could say the same for my boxers."

--- reporting from the bean scented and completely devoid of wildlife wilderness, this is Bo Gus, with The "Bo Gus" News.

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