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Who Says I Want To Smell Like Tim McGraw Anyway?
One thing I have never understood is the names companies give to their perfumes and colognes. I guess they think the names are good, but do a little free thinking association and tell me what the names really suggest.
Take, for instance, the cologne "Calvin Klein". Now, what's the first thing you think of when you hear the name "Calvin Klein"?
Underwear! That's right! Calvin Klein is famous for underwear! So, then, what is the name Calvin Klein Cologne telling me?
"Buy this and smell like underwear."
Am I not right? Come on! What are these people thinking?
Then there's "Adidas". And what does Adidas manufacture? Shoes. So, then, what is the name Adidas Cologne telling me?
"Buy Adidas. Smell like a stinky foot and get walked on all day."
Come on! These people are crazy!
How about "English Leather"?
Yeah, like I spend all night thinking how if I could just smell like an old saddle I could attract more babes.
Talk about ridiculous!
"Eternity"
Eternity? Good heavens! I don't want it to stay on that long!
"Drakkar Noir"
Isn't that French for "demon snot"? Probably not, but for all I know it is, and yet I'm supposed to want to smell like a Drakkar Noir? What the hell is a Drakkar Noir?
"Curve"
Curve? Curve in what? Curve in the road? Is my wife going to end up smelling like hot pavement here or what? What exactly do you mean by "Curve"? Could you possibly be any more vague?
Same with "Axe".
What kind of axe are you talking about? A wood axe? A battle axe? A heavy metal guitar? Is this stuff going to smell like wood shavings, blood, or a loud, sweaty, drunk guy?
How about "Tommy Girl"?
Wait. Tommy is a girl? Or does Tommy just think he is a girl? Or is Tommy really a girl who would rather be a Tommy? Or perhaps Tommy is a girl who doesn't know he is a girl, but his inner girl still wants to smell like a girl so he, she, it, whatever, puts on perfume called "Tommy Girl" thereby boldly referencing both his, her, it, whatever, Tommy and Girl halves, and rendering him, her, it, whatever, gender neutral but holistically happy? Right?
I have no freaking idea.
"Opium"
Oh yeah! I want to go through life smelling like an illegal narcotic. Great idea! Sign me up! I want to be tracked by police and hounded by addicts. Sure, hose me down with "Opium". John Lennon would be proud. Let the happy-happy fun begin!
"Obsession"
Hmmm, the fragrance of stalkers. Great. I want some.
"Stetson"
Ah yes, to smell like the sweaty hat band of an old cowboy. That's got to be just the ticket to a romantic interlude. Yeah, with a horse.
"Cool Water"
What? You want me to pay $25 an ounce for something I can get out of a faucet?
Come on! What is wrong with these people? What are they thinking when they come up with these names?
"Polo"
Hmmm. I wonder, does "Polo" smell like the horse, the sweaty rider, or the ball that gets smacked around on the horse poo laden field?
However, it's all the fragrances named after people that I really don't understand. Take for instance "McGraw" by Tim McGraw.
Now, is this stuff supposed to smell like Tim McGraw fresh out of the shower, Tim McGraw all hot and sweaty after doing a concert, Tim McGraw one hour after judging a chili cook off contest, or what?
I don't know, but I think we are entitled to be informed before we buy the stuff, don't you?
Then, of course, there is "Paris Hilton for Women". As opposed to the real Paris Hilton who is obviously for men. Fragrantly speaking, though, I just don't understand. I mean, the smell of blatant stupidity already permeates the Earth's atmosphere, why did they have to go and make it available in a bottle as well?
One more thing, have you noticed that a lot of perfumes and colognes have the phrase "Eau De Toilette" on the bottle somewhere?
While I'm certain that has some real French meaning, my simple English side reads it plainly as "Ooo, De Toilet!" Which, of course, immediately brings back un-fond memories of every stinky potty I've ever come across.
Now isn't that just the image you'd want to portray while trying to sell something people are supposed to smear across their body?
Copyright © 2010 --- written by Joe Humor
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Copyright © 2010 JoeHumor.com, Joe Bingham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. All content on this site is 100% original and written by me, Joe Bingham, for the express purpose of entertainment and fun. At no time is anything intended to offend, insult, or otherwise enrage anyone. If you find yourself upset or otherwise ticked off, relax, I'm just freakin' kidding, OK? Don't take things so seriously. "Life IS a joke, why not laugh at it?" Please just enjoy yourself and let me attempt to enrich your life with a little more fun and a lot more laughs. Thanks for reading --- Joe