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     The Hemorrhoid Lady

Itís perfectly clear to me that people simply donít think about what they are doing sometimes.  They just don't.

For example, not long ago, I saw a truck driving through town with the name Ultimate Steel Erection printed on the side. Ultimate Steel Erection. No further explanation of the company or their services, just Ultimate Steel Erection. Naturally, I immediately had to wonder. Construction? Or male enhancement?

Now, I know what it was. Itís a steel construction company. I mean, it was a big truck. What would a male enhancement company need with a big truck? (Please donít answer that.)

But still, erection? Really? They actually used the word ďerectionĒ in their company name? They would have to know what using that word is going to make people think of, wouldnĎt they? I mean, I couldnít help myself. I had to wonder.

I also had to spend the next several moments coming up with clever ad slogans for them.

Ultimate Steel Erection: Keeping your buildings stiff for a lifetime.

Ultimate Steel Erection: Build with us, because no woody lasts like a steely.

Ultimate Steel Erection: Making all your erection dreams a solid reality.

Another example of people not thinking, and this is worse, much, much worse, is a billboard offering colonoscopy services from two doctors. Now, I suppose everyone needs to advertise their business services, but a colonoscopy? Really? Who in the world goes to get a colonoscopy because of a billboard ad?

Well, doc, I was driving through town the other day, and I saw your colonoscopy billboard ad, and I thought, you know, I donít have anything going next Tuesday. What the heck?  Sign me up!

Who does that? Nobody! You go to the doctor when something is wrong and they tell you what you have to do. You donít volunteer for a colonoscopy because you saw an ad for it! Thatís insane!

People just donít think about things, Iím telling you. The worst part of the billboard, however, is that the doctors put their picture on it! Yes, they actually put their picture on their colonoscopy billboard --- and they are smiling!

Yes, for real! They are offering to butt probe people and they put up a gigantic 15 foot picture of themselves smiling about it! 

What is wrong with these people?

This is not unique, however. Thereís another doctor who has her smiling picture on a billboard as well. Sheís smiling about offering her hemorrhoid removal services.

You know, people who are offering to do things to my butt, really should not be smiling about it. Itís just simply not right. Not to mention, what are people going to think of this doctor from now on? Are we going to remember her name? No. Are we going to forever associate her with hemorrhoids? Yes. So, who is she now? Sheís The Hemorrhoid Lady.

If you see her around town and recognize her face, what are you going to think? Oh, look! Itís The Hemorrhoid Lady!

If you ever end up having such a problem, who are you going to call? The Hemorrhoid Lady.

If you notice a friend just never seems to sit comfortably, what are you going to recommend? The Hemorrhoid Lady!

She will never be known as a normal person again. Sheís The Hemorrhoid Lady.

I just donít get it. Why would anyone want that for themselves? I guess that works to promote her business, but still, who would want to go through life being known as The Hemorrhoid Lady? Or the Smiling Butt Probe Doctors? Or the Erection Company?

Could there be anything worse?

Ah, yes, and for the ultimate proof of that, all you have to do is drive by yet another billboard with smiling people on it.  This one advertising a funeral home! Come on! I mean, is there anything more wrong than a smiling mortician? One who simply canít wait to serve me?

Smiling morticians. Ha! I hope the Butt Probe Doctors come along and shove the Erection Company up their Hemorrhoid Lady.

Copyright © 2014--- written by Joe Humor

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