Itís perfectly clear to me that
people simply donít think about what they are doing sometimes.
They just don't.
For example, not long ago, I saw a truck
driving through town with the name Ultimate Steel Erection printed on
the side. Ultimate Steel Erection. No further explanation of the company
or their services, just Ultimate Steel Erection. Naturally, I
immediately had to wonder. Construction? Or male enhancement?
Now, I know what it was. Itís a
steel construction company. I mean, it was a big truck. What would a
male enhancement company need with a big truck? (Please donít answer
But still, erection? Really? They
actually used the word ďerectionĒ in their company name? They would
have to know what using that word is going to make people think of,
wouldnĎt they? I mean, I couldnít help myself. I had to wonder.
I also had to spend the next
several moments coming up with clever ad slogans for them.
Ultimate Steel Erection: Keeping
your buildings stiff for a lifetime.
Ultimate Steel Erection: Build
with us, because no woody lasts like a steely.
Ultimate Steel Erection: Making
all your erection dreams a solid reality.
Another example of people not
thinking, and this is worse, much, much worse, is a billboard offering
colonoscopy services from two doctors. Now, I suppose everyone needs to
advertise their business services, but a colonoscopy? Really? Who in the
world goes to get a colonoscopy because of a billboard ad?
Well, doc, I was driving through
town the other day, and I saw your colonoscopy billboard ad, and I
thought, you know, I donít have anything going next Tuesday. What the
heck? Sign me up!
Who does that? Nobody! You go to
the doctor when something is wrong and they tell you what you have to
do. You donít volunteer for a colonoscopy because you saw an ad for
it! Thatís insane!
People just donít think about
things, Iím telling you. The worst part of the billboard, however, is
that the doctors put their picture on it! Yes, they actually put their picture on
their colonoscopy billboard --- and they are smiling!
Yes, for real! They are offering to butt
probe people and they put up a gigantic 15 foot picture of themselves
smiling about it!
What is wrong with these people?
This is not unique, however.
Thereís another doctor who has her smiling picture on a billboard as
well. Sheís smiling about offering her hemorrhoid removal services.
You know, people who are offering
to do things to my butt, really should not be smiling about it. Itís
just simply not right. Not to mention, what are people going to think of
this doctor from now on? Are we going to remember her name? No.
Are we going to forever associate her with hemorrhoids? Yes. So, who is
she now? Sheís The Hemorrhoid Lady.
If you see her around town and
recognize her face, what are you going to think? Oh, look! Itís The
If you ever end up having such a
problem, who are you going to call? The Hemorrhoid Lady.
If you notice a friend just never
seems to sit comfortably, what are you going to recommend? The
She will never be known as a
normal person again. Sheís The Hemorrhoid Lady.
I just donít get it. Why would
anyone want that for themselves? I guess that works to promote her
business, but still, who would want to go through life being
known as The Hemorrhoid Lady? Or the Smiling Butt Probe Doctors? Or the
Could there be anything worse?
Ah, yes, and
for the ultimate proof of that, all you have to do is drive by yet
another billboard with smiling people on it. This one advertising
a funeral home! Come on! I mean, is there anything more wrong than a
smiling mortician? One who simply canít wait to serve me?
Smiling morticians. Ha! I hope
the Butt Probe Doctors come along and shove the Erection Company up
their Hemorrhoid Lady.