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Featured Humor Article

 

The Three Brothers and the Beautiful Girl (with a brick)

Once upon a time... actually this story was far too short to make it all the way "up on" a time, so rather...

Once next to a time, the most beautiful girl in all the world was walking along a path near a creek.  As the beautiful girl walked along the path….

Wait, wait, wait…

You don’t get it.  This girl was beautiful!  Truly beautiful!  So beautiful dormant flowers bloomed as she came near.  Gold nuggets rose from the depths of the creek bottom to sparkle on the surface in tribute to her presence.  Trees and shrubs cleared the path before her lest she stumble on a branch or a hidden root.  The very air surrounding her turned crystalline as she passed, diamonds clogging her nostrils, nearly killing her.  Stupid air.  Well, you get the point, she was truly incredibly beautiful!

Anyway, as the insanely awesome, choking on diamonds, truly incredibly beautiful girl walked along the path, there approached three brothers.  The brothers, stunned and exhilarated by her beauty…

Wait, wait, wait….

You don’t get that either.  The brothers, went loopy in her presence, and I mean loopy, as in a stumbling, stammering, blithering idiot kind of loopy!  Naturally, they also got very excited and desirous to make themselves known to the beautiful girl.

Why is that?  I mean, why do guys do that?  “Oh look, a beautiful a girl!  I’ll turn raving, lunatic mad in her presence and then decide that now, during my lunacy, is the perfect time to introduce myself!”  Brilliant feature of the male mind, let me tell you.

So, as the insanely awesome, now recovered from the diamond choking, exquisitely, incredibly, amazingly beautiful girl… all right, all right, I think you get the point.  She was hot.

Anyway, so as the beautiful girl walked along the path, the first of the three brain fried brothers stepped forward to speak to her.  (Moron.)

"Hot damn!” he yelled. “That's one sweet little sugar cookie!" (Like I said… moron.)

He then approached her and started making other ridiculous comments such as, "Baby, you're so hot, I could fry an egg on your forehead, cook the bacon on your belly, and warm the biscuits on your backside!" and  "Damn girl, with you around, I could cancel my Playboy subscription!"  (Ya, BIG moron.)

He went on (and on, and on) but I’ll spare you from suffering through further details of his stupidity.

Naturally, the beautiful girl, undoubtedly used to such fool behavior, took a brick out of her hand bag and proceeded to “thunk” the first brother so hard he spun wildly away into the creek where he landed with a thud and swallowed a frog.  (Frog swallowing moron! Ha, ha, ha!)

The second brother, smarter than the first, a little bit anyway, approached more cautiously, putting on his motorcycle helmet before he started making a fool of himself.  However, he also let his lunacy rule him as he made comments like "My dear in all your fine beauty, I'd bet even your farts blow fair!" and "Set the bees free! I done found me the ultimate source of honey!"  (Sad.  Pitiful, really.)

Well, with the helmet and all, the brick didn't lay him out quite so badly, nor did he swallow any frogs upon landing in the creek.  However, I believe he did get some worms stuck in his visor.  (Worm infested sadness.  Pitiful worm infested sadness even.  Wow, that’s bad!)

The third brother, infinitely more intelligent than the others, approached the beautiful girl slowly, and quietly gave her both a blooming flower and a dandelion, loaded with seeds ready to be scattered by the wind. (Ahhhh…)

The beautiful girl, intrigued by the different approach of this brother, tucked her brick back into her handbag, and curiously asked what the dandelion and the flower were for.

"The dandelion I give you that we may sit side by side and together make a wish,“ the third brother offered. “Then, with our combined breath we shall easily be able to blow the dandelion seeds away and our wishes will come true.”  (Oh, so touching.  Maybe he won’t end up in the creek?)

"The flower I give you in apology," he then added.  (Uh-oh, this doesn’t look good.  Maybe he will end up in the creek.)

Smiling at the idea of the wish, the beautiful girl seated herself on the grassy bank of the creek and asked the third brother to join her.  Together, they then closed their eyes, made their wishes, and scattered the dandelion seeds easily away.  The girl smiled at him, liking the quiet manner of this man she had just met.  Suddenly, however, she remembered the flower.

"Why do you give me the flower as an apology?" she asked.  "Is it for the actions of your idiotic brothers?"

"No," the third brother answered, humbly.  "It's because if my wish comes true, those two morons are going to be your brothers-in-law."

The beautiful girl laughed, but then knocked the third brother into the creek anyway, where he landed with a splash and swallowed a fish.  (Still, something tells me she actually liked the third brother.  I mean, heck, she didn't even use the brick.)

Copyright © 2012--- written by Joe Humor

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