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"JoeK" of the Week:
Jan 27th, 2010
As fate would have it, the Jalapeno Coffee, Ice Cream, and Bubble Gum Company opened for business last year on this date.
With current sales totaling ZERO, they are now looking for a good bankruptcy lawyer.
From what I understand, they don't have any cash, but are willing to pay in kind from their remaining inventory.
Any interested attorneys should contact the company president and founder at his office where he is currently developing products for his new enterprise, the Habenero Facial Cream, Contact Solution, and Enema Company.
Help this man, somebody, please.
The Joe Humor Ramble
Cuz I'm Free, Free Fallin! And Just A Little Bit Kooky (p.s. no I was not drunk when I wrote this, why do you ask?)
Jan 27th, 2010
So, yesterday I was waxing my chest hairs, I do so love a clean chest, and I broke my pinky nail.
NOT!
Sorry, but real men do NOT wax. At least not in my world.
But hey, if you are one of the many who like to watch grown pansy ass men, all oiled up and wearing tight panties, strut around pretending to hit each other, then you just watch professional fake wrestling all you want and have a blast!
I won't put you down for it. But then again, I won't need to, you're already there.
On another subject, I hear that tequila sales are way, way up this year.
But then, I also believe that the rings of Saturn are the sole reason why hot chocolate and not coffee is the drink of choice among married American males who only floss at night while wearing pink boxer shorts polka dotted with cute, little, yellow bananas.
Not that you really needed to know that, but then who's counting the chickens for the monthly bird brain inventory anyway?
Not me, I counted them last month. It is somebody else's turn or I'm calling the FBI. Thank you. Pass the biscuits and lock up the whiskey, we're going in for the touchdown!
So, tell me, are you single, or are you multiple, like myself?
If I were you, I'd back off on the Tabasco, cuz baby you're already too damn hot! Whew E! Slap me with a can of peaches and call me biscuit eater! I do believe I'm in love! Or is it just gravy --- again.
Tis the season to drink Black Velvet. Chugga, chugga, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.
Does anybody have a towel? I think I threw up a little.
How exactly do you throw up a "little" anyway? Seems to me vomiting is a full committal event. Ask Happy Bunny, I guess. He seems to know.
I love you Matilda! Why won't you accept me into your heart? I'm really not that big and I don't eat all that much. You can even fold me up like a little tortilla to save space if you want. Just please don't step on me with your spike heels and grind me into a puddle of Pepto Bismol. Cuz, I'm not pink, and that won't work.
And neither will a plunger when it comes time to vacuum the curtains. Use the appropriate tool or get out. That's what I say! Well, at least that would be what I would say if I weren't a bean and couldn't talk.
Do you believe in true love? I do, simply because I'm not entirely sure just exactly what false love looks like. Which, of course, is why I'm sitting on a cactus. Trust me, I deserve the punishment. No really, I do. I ate all the Skittles and didn't even give one to my teddy bear.
Say hey, why don't we saunter on down to the Laundromat for a romantic interlude with some fine wine, candlelight clothes folding, and a surprise visit from cousin Bubba?
Oh come on! It will be fun! I'll throw a few quarters in the dryer and toss in a pair of shoes. Then, the sweet thumpity-thump rhythm of the tossed about shoes will be just the perfect thing to compliment the swish-swash of the washing machines and the sweet, sweaty slide of Bubba's naked rump cheeks as he scoots around the floor trying to scratch away his butt fungus.
Ah, sweet parting yawns as tomorrow's yesterday slips away into daylight past and a new night, full of exotic dancers and circus clowns, comes to haunt our pet moose to the point of liquid insanity.
With a biscuit!!!
Ramble later...
Joe Humor
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Copyright © 2010 JoeHumor.com, Joe Bingham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. All content on this site is 100% original and written by me, Joe Bingham, for the express purpose of entertainment and fun. At no time is anything intended to offend, insult, or otherwise enrage anyone. If you find yourself upset or otherwise ticked off, relax, I'm just freakin' kidding, OK? Don't take things so seriously. "Life IS a joke, why not laugh at it?" Please just enjoy yourself and let me attempt to enrich your life with a little more fun and a lot more laughs. Thanks for reading --- Joe